Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize