he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
