Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
