Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
