I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
