and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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