my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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