i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
