he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
