He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
