I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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