Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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