Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
