I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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