Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize