pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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