The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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