I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
