He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
