What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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