you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
