I love black thongs
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I currently don't understand fingers.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
