I have demons in me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
