oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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