i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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