I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize