Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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