im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
