I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
