The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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