____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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