just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
