We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
