Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
