please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
