isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize