The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
