I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
