roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
