Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
