Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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