i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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