I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
