Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is wine microwaveable?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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