if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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