I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
