so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
