everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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