you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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