I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
