He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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