stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
