Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
