Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize