You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
