You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
