dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
