ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize