what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
