just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
