It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
