i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
