You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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