My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
