now i know why i became what i already was.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
